Taking the time to smell the coffee..uh..roses.. Sunday, November 08, 2009 |
Giraffe had to start teaching early in the morning today. Usually if Giraffe has to start early early in the morning, she'll leave herself 15min for coffee and 15min to take a shower before she leaves the house.
Today however, Giraffe decided to do things a little differently. She woke up before 6am. It was still pitch dark outside. Giraffe made her cup of coffee and sat down next to her boys (who were both still on her bed for their early after-breakfast-nap) and slowly savored the taste and smell of her coffee and the warm comfort and peace of her two peacefully sleeping boys.
It was a good start of a day.
Giraffe should do that more often.
Today however, Giraffe decided to do things a little differently. She woke up before 6am. It was still pitch dark outside. Giraffe made her cup of coffee and sat down next to her boys (who were both still on her bed for their early after-breakfast-nap) and slowly savored the taste and smell of her coffee and the warm comfort and peace of her two peacefully sleeping boys.
It was a good start of a day.
Giraffe should do that more often.
a new page... Friday, November 06, 2009 |
A new page in Giraffe's dreams, and Giraffe wants to make it good!
She hopes to remember, years later, of her aspirations for this endeavor the way she believes in them now.
Yes, and here is for
She hopes to remember, years later, of her aspirations for this endeavor the way she believes in them now.
Yes, and here is for
- beauty
- passion
- love
- music
- friends
Labels: beauty, beginning, dreams, friends, love, music, passion
of clearing up the mess that is a Giraffe... Thursday, November 05, 2009 |
A Giraffe is messed up. Honestly.
No being knows about Giraffe's childhood - it's something she has never yet manage to accept enough to share with anyone. Not even her closest friends. She wishes she could, but no, perhaps a Giraffe is not strong enough to accept, or perhaps she doesn't want to, or perhaps it feels like to a Giraffe, that when another being knows about her childhood, it seems to fix it down "for real", it seems to shout back at Giraffe, SEE, THIS IS YOUR CHILDHOOD. No running away. And a Giraffe isn't brave enough to face up to that yet. Not yet.
All those things that scream at Giraffe, you're not good enough, you're not worthy, you're ugly, you're useless, you can never do anything worthwhile, you better be grateful because no one loves you, everything you do just irritate others, you better stop existing in the first place. Oh, but before you stop existing, you're supposed to do this and this and this. And don't expect anything in return because you are not worth it in the first place.
And as a Giraffe grew up, she grew to believe in them. Believe so much in them that for a long long time, Giraffe felt she really should stop existing. What's the point when she's just taking up space?
But yet, perhaps God made into her, just that little spark of stubbornness inside her, the little bit that refuses to admit defeat, especially in the faces of those who most want her down. Perhaps in the long sequence of events, God planned and made a Giraffe just this way even before Giraffe knew God.
And though half the time Giraffe thought it best she stopped existing, another half the time, a little voice inside Giraffe started to question, but why am I worthless?
Is there anyone powerful enough to make me worthless? Even if there are beings powerful enough to heap the worst of things on top of a Giraffe, a Giraffe doesn't like to say die before she tries and see if she can fight back. Just that half the time, a Giraffe thought of fighting back. Of wanting to make her world a better place for herself. Half the time, a Giraffe is so tired of the world and the things it piles on her and wants to just give up, and the other half the time, a Giraffe is so tired of all the shit she gets she wants to fight back and kill the world. Understand what a Giraffe is talking about? No? Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
As a Giraffe grew up, she learnt many many coping strategies. Well, obviously none have changed how things are, but yet, they helped a Giraffe cope and get on.
Every single being who ever tried being close to a Giraffe, just being a friend have all found that a Giraffe doesn't open herself up easily. A Giraffe always seem to be crazy and mad and cheerful, but it takes a long long long long time before a Giraffe will let anyone see her hurts. That was one way Giraffe learnt to cope as she grew up.
If you grew to believe that no one loves you, why would you show your hurts? Your enemies won't want to see your hurts. It only makes you more vulnerable. So to protect herself, a Giraffe cannot show her hurts. Not that Giraffe treats beings who attempt to be her friends as enemies, but you see, it was not something easily unlearned. It takes a lot more to learn trust than to learn to close up and protect oneself. Protecting oneself is only instinctive. Opening up and trusting, especially after having it being ingrained into her that she is not worthy of anything, is a lot of work. More than anyone can imagine.
And soon, no one bothered to get a know a Giraffe better. Or to see through her cheerfulness, at all the hurts inside a Giraffe, hurts and memories worse than many beings could ever imagine.
And it felt safe to a Giraffe, to keep beings at a distance, because you see, Giraffe finds it hard to stop protecting herself. But yet, a Giraffe longs for someone to see the hurts inside her. The hurts that she has no voice to tell the world about. To not to let anyone see, and yet to want beings to see. See, told you a Giraffe is messed up.
And a Giraffe lives inside her imagination. A Giraffe has many many things to thank God for, but if there was one prominent thing she would like to tell God, she is really very very grateful of having, that is her imagination. A Giraffe has a very lively imagination, probably much more than many other beings in the world. And thank God she has that because she can live inside it. When she was little, a Giraffe often made up long stories. Long make-believe stories about herself. About her own life. About all the things she wishes had happened in her life. And she made it so real, she almost believed in them, and sometimes she would tell her friends things from her imagination, rather than real happenings in her life. Giraffe's make believes weren't out of the world things that were crazy and involved monsters or spaceships or things like that. Giraffe's make believes were ordinary things. Ordinary happenings in ordinary lives because a Giraffe wishes them for her own life. Things her friends might think too awfully boring, a Giraffe weaves elaborate stories around. A father patting his son and telling him he's proud of him. A family spending time together, a grandmother and grandfather bringing a Giraffe for an outing without the implications of what would happen to a Giraffe after she gets home. Ordinary things. Oh how a Giraffe wishes for them.
And the older she grows, the more elaborate her imaginations become. Sometimes a Giraffe would weave a whole story of how her childhood should be like, and live happily for a while, and then poof, suddenly she remembers it's all just her make-believe and she's back to where she was. Sometimes when a Giraffe talks about her childhood, she weaves the truth into a veil of nice things. Like when Giraffe talks of the naughty things she does and make it sound so funny. But there is yet another layer to this truth. She was naughty because she wanted to be loved. But this final layer never came out.
Giraffe doesn't like beings to ask her about herself. Because if she were to tell her make-believe, then she would be lying. But yet, a Giraffe is not strong enough to face the truth. Not yet. She doesn't want to yet. Yes, call a Giraffe a coward or whatever you like, Giraffe doesn't care. She's already worthless, what harm does another label of coward do? Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
Giraffe doesn't agree with many things her family does. But yet she doesn't contradict them. Sometimes a Giraffe is also not sure, whether it is a lack of courage to stand up and say, hey, I don't think you should do things this way, or what. Because when a Giraffe does contradict, she'll be shouted down flat. Who do you think you are? You're only a Giraffe. What do you know? You're stupid and worthless, you think you know more? I have all my reasons and I do not think your reasons are worth it for anyone to listen to and you shut up you ungrateful thing. It all boils down to having to love and respect and be filial despite all, anything, any damn thing your family does. And sometimes a Giraffe cannot differentiate between which is supposed to be love for her family and which is the love that her family insists she should have for her family. Sounds illogical? It is not logical. But see, this is how messed up a Giraffe is.
A Giraffe feels free at times, on her own. Because that is where she can truly be herself. The only time she catches a glimpse of who she truly is. And sometimes, she finds, those glimpses are not necessarily that of a worthless Giraffe. But she cannot do that in front of her family. There are way too much of a Giraffe which does not fit her family's specifications of "giraffe". And the problem is these parts of a Giraffe which does not fit specifications are the parts which a Giraffe, having occasionally caught a glimpse of, the parts which she thinks makes up most truly, what she is as a Giraffe. These are the parts a Giraffe is not going to change a bit of. But these are the parts she can never show herself as, to her family. And part of a Giraffe WANTS to be true, truly herself, in front of her family. Yet the other part knows to do that, takes a lot of fight. And a Giraffe doesn't have the strength to fight anymore. Not now anyway. And her family have no idea at all what the real Giraffe is actually. And a Giraffe hates herself for feeling it, but she feels so tired when she has to be with her family. Because it saps the strength out of a Giraffe, to have to hide the parts of a Giraffe that are meant to shine through. Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
But deep down inside a Giraffe is a being who wants to be truthful and open. She doesn't want to hide anything. She wants to open up her bag and show her friends, see, this is all I have. She wants to open up her heart to the world and show to them, this heart is all yours. All the truths and memories and love inside.
But at the same time, she's been so well-practiced, at protecting herself, at not showing her real inside, that even when she really really wants, all that happens is that Giraffe turns into a bot. A unfeeling, unshowing, uncaring bot. Because she really doesn't know how to. Her feelings, her heart, her thoughts and actions all suddenly become frozen. Because that is the only good enough coping strategy a Giraffe had as a child, to prevent herself from going mad. And now as a grown up Giraffe, she doesn't know how to unlock, how to unfreeze herself. At times like this, a Giraffe is screaming voicelessly, LET ME OUT! But there is no one in the world who can hear it. Yes, a Giraffe wishes someone can hear it, but yet, a Giraffe is scared of having anyone hear it because it makes her, you know, so vulnerable. And being vulnerable is something a Giraffe is really afraid of. And Giraffe doesn't know how to be loved.
A Giraffe wants things to be different. She wants to be herself, she wants her life. Yes, she knows that for things to be different, she has to have the courage to open herself up first, to learn to be vulnerable. But a Giraffe does not dare to. She has been hurt way too much. She was born to be more trusting and more open than the average being. But what has it gotten her? Hurts much more easily and greater than that of a normal being. A Giraffe does not dare to. Really, she does not. She does not dare to be loved.
You know what image strikes a Giraffe as most touching, most reflective of love and security? Don't laugh at a Giraffe, but it is that of a little child crying away and whining about wanting something, perhaps tearing apart a very expensive thing or important the father has, and at the end of it, you know, the father is going to give in to the child because he wants the child to be happy and stop crying and he doesn't even remember the important thing the child had ruined. Because a Giraffe wishes to be a child who is more important than any other important things. Even if it is just to that one person, Giraffe wishes to be that important child to just that one person.
But it is never to be so. How Giraffe envies those who can shrug the world away because at the end of the day, they know love and acceptance can be found with their family.
But a Giraffe doesn't have that. And a Giraffe is too scared to open herself up to her friends, that perhaps she doesn't have a single best friend who loves a Giraffe unconditionally.
And what does this all mean?
A Giraffe is left with herself. Just herself.
If she doesn't depend on herself, no one is going to help her. If she falls down, she has to pick herself up because no one else will bother. If she has a happy, she can only shout it into the sky because she doesn't know if anyone finds a Giraffe worthy enough to want to share with.
She has a lot of love to give, but has only her two boys to give to because a Giraffe is not sure if anyone else would want to have Giraffe's love.
A Giraffe is scared. Because at times when the going gets tough, she feels so alone. She herself within the whole universe? How scary. And a Giraffe is scared now.
Perhaps writing is the only way a Giraffe can give rant to what she thinks and feels because it feels so much more impersonal. And she can just write in the security of her own privacy, finish everything before clicking on "post". Not like if she was talking to someone, and she has to gather feedback on that being's body nuances, emotive states and the whole general feeling of how that being takes to what a Giraffe is trying to say. Writing is so much more effortless. And safe. Yes, a Giraffe is a coward.
One of the reasons why a Giraffe is typing all these out is because a Giraffe wants to learn to find acceptance. She wants to learn to accept herself. She wants to be true to herself, in all aspects. And she hopes that after she finds her own acceptance, she will one day be courageous enough to look at her past in the face and say, yes, I was you. This was a Giraffe past. And a Giraffe is going to continue fighting for her present. A Giraffe hopes that one day, she will be strong enough to look at all the hurts from the past, and stop hurting.
Perhaps as you read this, you might think, well, too bad a Giraffe's hurting, I'm not going to waste my energy healing her hurts. Or perhaps as you read this, you might want to look past a Giraffe's cold shell and into her hurts and to make a Giraffe feel better. Or perhaps as you read this, you might feel like you want to find out what exactly hurted a Giraffe in the past (though a Giraffe is definitely not ready to tell that to anyone yet). Or perhaps as you read this, well, Giraffe doesn't know, there are all sorts of perhaps.
Perhaps, as a Giraffe writes this, she is one step further towards accepting. And growing. And acknowledging her hurts. And letting herself be loved.
No being knows about Giraffe's childhood - it's something she has never yet manage to accept enough to share with anyone. Not even her closest friends. She wishes she could, but no, perhaps a Giraffe is not strong enough to accept, or perhaps she doesn't want to, or perhaps it feels like to a Giraffe, that when another being knows about her childhood, it seems to fix it down "for real", it seems to shout back at Giraffe, SEE, THIS IS YOUR CHILDHOOD. No running away. And a Giraffe isn't brave enough to face up to that yet. Not yet.
All those things that scream at Giraffe, you're not good enough, you're not worthy, you're ugly, you're useless, you can never do anything worthwhile, you better be grateful because no one loves you, everything you do just irritate others, you better stop existing in the first place. Oh, but before you stop existing, you're supposed to do this and this and this. And don't expect anything in return because you are not worth it in the first place.
And as a Giraffe grew up, she grew to believe in them. Believe so much in them that for a long long time, Giraffe felt she really should stop existing. What's the point when she's just taking up space?
But yet, perhaps God made into her, just that little spark of stubbornness inside her, the little bit that refuses to admit defeat, especially in the faces of those who most want her down. Perhaps in the long sequence of events, God planned and made a Giraffe just this way even before Giraffe knew God.
And though half the time Giraffe thought it best she stopped existing, another half the time, a little voice inside Giraffe started to question, but why am I worthless?
Is there anyone powerful enough to make me worthless? Even if there are beings powerful enough to heap the worst of things on top of a Giraffe, a Giraffe doesn't like to say die before she tries and see if she can fight back. Just that half the time, a Giraffe thought of fighting back. Of wanting to make her world a better place for herself. Half the time, a Giraffe is so tired of the world and the things it piles on her and wants to just give up, and the other half the time, a Giraffe is so tired of all the shit she gets she wants to fight back and kill the world. Understand what a Giraffe is talking about? No? Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
As a Giraffe grew up, she learnt many many coping strategies. Well, obviously none have changed how things are, but yet, they helped a Giraffe cope and get on.
Every single being who ever tried being close to a Giraffe, just being a friend have all found that a Giraffe doesn't open herself up easily. A Giraffe always seem to be crazy and mad and cheerful, but it takes a long long long long time before a Giraffe will let anyone see her hurts. That was one way Giraffe learnt to cope as she grew up.
If you grew to believe that no one loves you, why would you show your hurts? Your enemies won't want to see your hurts. It only makes you more vulnerable. So to protect herself, a Giraffe cannot show her hurts. Not that Giraffe treats beings who attempt to be her friends as enemies, but you see, it was not something easily unlearned. It takes a lot more to learn trust than to learn to close up and protect oneself. Protecting oneself is only instinctive. Opening up and trusting, especially after having it being ingrained into her that she is not worthy of anything, is a lot of work. More than anyone can imagine.
And soon, no one bothered to get a know a Giraffe better. Or to see through her cheerfulness, at all the hurts inside a Giraffe, hurts and memories worse than many beings could ever imagine.
And it felt safe to a Giraffe, to keep beings at a distance, because you see, Giraffe finds it hard to stop protecting herself. But yet, a Giraffe longs for someone to see the hurts inside her. The hurts that she has no voice to tell the world about. To not to let anyone see, and yet to want beings to see. See, told you a Giraffe is messed up.
And a Giraffe lives inside her imagination. A Giraffe has many many things to thank God for, but if there was one prominent thing she would like to tell God, she is really very very grateful of having, that is her imagination. A Giraffe has a very lively imagination, probably much more than many other beings in the world. And thank God she has that because she can live inside it. When she was little, a Giraffe often made up long stories. Long make-believe stories about herself. About her own life. About all the things she wishes had happened in her life. And she made it so real, she almost believed in them, and sometimes she would tell her friends things from her imagination, rather than real happenings in her life. Giraffe's make believes weren't out of the world things that were crazy and involved monsters or spaceships or things like that. Giraffe's make believes were ordinary things. Ordinary happenings in ordinary lives because a Giraffe wishes them for her own life. Things her friends might think too awfully boring, a Giraffe weaves elaborate stories around. A father patting his son and telling him he's proud of him. A family spending time together, a grandmother and grandfather bringing a Giraffe for an outing without the implications of what would happen to a Giraffe after she gets home. Ordinary things. Oh how a Giraffe wishes for them.
And the older she grows, the more elaborate her imaginations become. Sometimes a Giraffe would weave a whole story of how her childhood should be like, and live happily for a while, and then poof, suddenly she remembers it's all just her make-believe and she's back to where she was. Sometimes when a Giraffe talks about her childhood, she weaves the truth into a veil of nice things. Like when Giraffe talks of the naughty things she does and make it sound so funny. But there is yet another layer to this truth. She was naughty because she wanted to be loved. But this final layer never came out.
Giraffe doesn't like beings to ask her about herself. Because if she were to tell her make-believe, then she would be lying. But yet, a Giraffe is not strong enough to face the truth. Not yet. She doesn't want to yet. Yes, call a Giraffe a coward or whatever you like, Giraffe doesn't care. She's already worthless, what harm does another label of coward do? Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
Giraffe doesn't agree with many things her family does. But yet she doesn't contradict them. Sometimes a Giraffe is also not sure, whether it is a lack of courage to stand up and say, hey, I don't think you should do things this way, or what. Because when a Giraffe does contradict, she'll be shouted down flat. Who do you think you are? You're only a Giraffe. What do you know? You're stupid and worthless, you think you know more? I have all my reasons and I do not think your reasons are worth it for anyone to listen to and you shut up you ungrateful thing. It all boils down to having to love and respect and be filial despite all, anything, any damn thing your family does. And sometimes a Giraffe cannot differentiate between which is supposed to be love for her family and which is the love that her family insists she should have for her family. Sounds illogical? It is not logical. But see, this is how messed up a Giraffe is.
A Giraffe feels free at times, on her own. Because that is where she can truly be herself. The only time she catches a glimpse of who she truly is. And sometimes, she finds, those glimpses are not necessarily that of a worthless Giraffe. But she cannot do that in front of her family. There are way too much of a Giraffe which does not fit her family's specifications of "giraffe". And the problem is these parts of a Giraffe which does not fit specifications are the parts which a Giraffe, having occasionally caught a glimpse of, the parts which she thinks makes up most truly, what she is as a Giraffe. These are the parts a Giraffe is not going to change a bit of. But these are the parts she can never show herself as, to her family. And part of a Giraffe WANTS to be true, truly herself, in front of her family. Yet the other part knows to do that, takes a lot of fight. And a Giraffe doesn't have the strength to fight anymore. Not now anyway. And her family have no idea at all what the real Giraffe is actually. And a Giraffe hates herself for feeling it, but she feels so tired when she has to be with her family. Because it saps the strength out of a Giraffe, to have to hide the parts of a Giraffe that are meant to shine through. Told you a Giraffe is messed up.
But deep down inside a Giraffe is a being who wants to be truthful and open. She doesn't want to hide anything. She wants to open up her bag and show her friends, see, this is all I have. She wants to open up her heart to the world and show to them, this heart is all yours. All the truths and memories and love inside.
But at the same time, she's been so well-practiced, at protecting herself, at not showing her real inside, that even when she really really wants, all that happens is that Giraffe turns into a bot. A unfeeling, unshowing, uncaring bot. Because she really doesn't know how to. Her feelings, her heart, her thoughts and actions all suddenly become frozen. Because that is the only good enough coping strategy a Giraffe had as a child, to prevent herself from going mad. And now as a grown up Giraffe, she doesn't know how to unlock, how to unfreeze herself. At times like this, a Giraffe is screaming voicelessly, LET ME OUT! But there is no one in the world who can hear it. Yes, a Giraffe wishes someone can hear it, but yet, a Giraffe is scared of having anyone hear it because it makes her, you know, so vulnerable. And being vulnerable is something a Giraffe is really afraid of. And Giraffe doesn't know how to be loved.
A Giraffe wants things to be different. She wants to be herself, she wants her life. Yes, she knows that for things to be different, she has to have the courage to open herself up first, to learn to be vulnerable. But a Giraffe does not dare to. She has been hurt way too much. She was born to be more trusting and more open than the average being. But what has it gotten her? Hurts much more easily and greater than that of a normal being. A Giraffe does not dare to. Really, she does not. She does not dare to be loved.
You know what image strikes a Giraffe as most touching, most reflective of love and security? Don't laugh at a Giraffe, but it is that of a little child crying away and whining about wanting something, perhaps tearing apart a very expensive thing or important the father has, and at the end of it, you know, the father is going to give in to the child because he wants the child to be happy and stop crying and he doesn't even remember the important thing the child had ruined. Because a Giraffe wishes to be a child who is more important than any other important things. Even if it is just to that one person, Giraffe wishes to be that important child to just that one person.
But it is never to be so. How Giraffe envies those who can shrug the world away because at the end of the day, they know love and acceptance can be found with their family.
But a Giraffe doesn't have that. And a Giraffe is too scared to open herself up to her friends, that perhaps she doesn't have a single best friend who loves a Giraffe unconditionally.
And what does this all mean?
A Giraffe is left with herself. Just herself.
If she doesn't depend on herself, no one is going to help her. If she falls down, she has to pick herself up because no one else will bother. If she has a happy, she can only shout it into the sky because she doesn't know if anyone finds a Giraffe worthy enough to want to share with.
She has a lot of love to give, but has only her two boys to give to because a Giraffe is not sure if anyone else would want to have Giraffe's love.
A Giraffe is scared. Because at times when the going gets tough, she feels so alone. She herself within the whole universe? How scary. And a Giraffe is scared now.
Perhaps writing is the only way a Giraffe can give rant to what she thinks and feels because it feels so much more impersonal. And she can just write in the security of her own privacy, finish everything before clicking on "post". Not like if she was talking to someone, and she has to gather feedback on that being's body nuances, emotive states and the whole general feeling of how that being takes to what a Giraffe is trying to say. Writing is so much more effortless. And safe. Yes, a Giraffe is a coward.
One of the reasons why a Giraffe is typing all these out is because a Giraffe wants to learn to find acceptance. She wants to learn to accept herself. She wants to be true to herself, in all aspects. And she hopes that after she finds her own acceptance, she will one day be courageous enough to look at her past in the face and say, yes, I was you. This was a Giraffe past. And a Giraffe is going to continue fighting for her present. A Giraffe hopes that one day, she will be strong enough to look at all the hurts from the past, and stop hurting.
Perhaps as you read this, you might think, well, too bad a Giraffe's hurting, I'm not going to waste my energy healing her hurts. Or perhaps as you read this, you might want to look past a Giraffe's cold shell and into her hurts and to make a Giraffe feel better. Or perhaps as you read this, you might feel like you want to find out what exactly hurted a Giraffe in the past (though a Giraffe is definitely not ready to tell that to anyone yet). Or perhaps as you read this, well, Giraffe doesn't know, there are all sorts of perhaps.
Perhaps, as a Giraffe writes this, she is one step further towards accepting. And growing. And acknowledging her hurts. And letting herself be loved.
9 things... Monday, October 26, 2009 |
9 things a Giraffe would love to do:
- treasure her friends more because she's got some awesome friends whom sometimes she thinks she doesn't treasure enough
- spend more time with her boys because she loves them so and no amount of time with them is enough time
- make music forever because that is pure bliss
- make her dreams come to life and oh boy has she plenty of dreams
- smile at other beings more, look at other beings more, focus on other beings more because every living being is an important entity
- share a little more joy with the world because joy and happiness multiplies
- let every being see a little more, and understand a little more about beauty because that in Giraffe's opinion makes a difference between a life fulfilled and a life empty
- dance more, sing more, because she loves it
- have more strawberry milkshake because that makes a Giraffe feel warm and fuzzy.
Labels: love, strawberry milkshake, wants
the world can do with more strawberry milkshakes... Sunday, October 25, 2009 |
Thank you for all the pats on the back.
It's often small little actions that touch a Giraffe, not big bombastic words or promises that are never kept.
Anyway, there ought to be more strawberry milkshakes in the world.
It's often small little actions that touch a Giraffe, not big bombastic words or promises that are never kept.
Anyway, there ought to be more strawberry milkshakes in the world.
Labels: gratitude, strawberry milkshake, thank you
Crying on her own... Saturday, October 24, 2009 |
Dreams in the box... Wednesday, October 21, 2009 |
Utopia... Saturday, October 10, 2009 |
The idea. Of being free.
Of possessing nothing, but freedom.
Of being responsible for one another, and thus being free.
Of having to work hard for everything, and thus knowing freedom.
The Utopia.
"Everything is beautiful here. Only not the faces. On Anarres, nothing is beautiful, nothing but the faces. The other faces, the men and women. We have nothing but that, nothing but each other. Here you see the jewels, there you see the eyes. And in the eyes you see the splendor, the splendor of the human spirit. Because our men and women are free - possessing nothing, they are free. And you the possessors are possessed. You are all in jail. Each alone, solitary, with a heap of what he owns. You live in prison, die in prison. It is all I can see in your eyes - the wall, the wall!"
Giraffe loves Ursula Le Guin's books.
If you haven't, go and read "The Dispossessed"!
Shoo! Go now!
Of possessing nothing, but freedom.
Of being responsible for one another, and thus being free.
Of having to work hard for everything, and thus knowing freedom.
The Utopia.
"Everything is beautiful here. Only not the faces. On Anarres, nothing is beautiful, nothing but the faces. The other faces, the men and women. We have nothing but that, nothing but each other. Here you see the jewels, there you see the eyes. And in the eyes you see the splendor, the splendor of the human spirit. Because our men and women are free - possessing nothing, they are free. And you the possessors are possessed. You are all in jail. Each alone, solitary, with a heap of what he owns. You live in prison, die in prison. It is all I can see in your eyes - the wall, the wall!"
Giraffe loves Ursula Le Guin's books.
If you haven't, go and read "The Dispossessed"!
Shoo! Go now!
Labels: books, dispossessed, dreams, freedom, love, rainbow, Ursula Le Guin, utopia
one-brick-at-a-time... Friday, October 09, 2009 |
Giraffe loves Lego.
To a Giraffe, Lego isn't about finishing the construction (though it does offer a certain amount of satisfaction), but about the process of building.
Of putting one brick at a time, together, seeing it slowly form a bigger piece, a part of a whole.
Seeing where it all fits in after many many one-brick-at-a-time are put together.
Seeing all the separate individual pieces,
Come together.
One step at a time.
Just like what Giraffe hopes to be able to remember,
as she plods on, each step of her life.
Yes, one-brick-at-a-time and one day, they will form a beautiful whole.
Just remember, not to stop putting one brick after another, no matter how hard the going gets.
To a Giraffe, Lego isn't about finishing the construction (though it does offer a certain amount of satisfaction), but about the process of building.
Of putting one brick at a time, together, seeing it slowly form a bigger piece, a part of a whole.
Seeing where it all fits in after many many one-brick-at-a-time are put together.
Seeing all the separate individual pieces,
Come together.
One step at a time.
Just like what Giraffe hopes to be able to remember,
as she plods on, each step of her life.Yes, one-brick-at-a-time and one day, they will form a beautiful whole.
Just remember, not to stop putting one brick after another, no matter how hard the going gets.
Labels: beautiful, dreams, lego, life, plodding on
da green grocer... Thursday, October 08, 2009 |
facebooking.... Saturday, September 26, 2009 |
the end... Saturday, September 12, 2009 |
What's the point of it all anymore?
When there is no longer any music making?
When everything is just a show in the circus, and Giraffe is just a clown in the entire pantomime.
Giraffe isn't saying the circus is a bad thing, but there is a time for a circus. When beings want to see the circus, they go to the circus.
When beings want to listen to music, they do not go and look for clowns in the circus.
But that is precisely what a Giraffe is made to do.
To be a clown for an audience looking for music.
A Giraffe is depressed but no one can understand why. Nobody understands the torment when there is no longer music in Giraffe's world.
A Giraffe wants to cry, but even the tears abandon a Giraffe when she most needs them.
And a Giraffe can only plod on and pretend to smile when she is being slowly killed inside.
Slowly slowly killed until one day when a Giraffe will be no more.
And yet on that day, who will miss a Giraffe?
No one.
No one at all.
When there is no longer any music making?
When everything is just a show in the circus, and Giraffe is just a clown in the entire pantomime.
Giraffe isn't saying the circus is a bad thing, but there is a time for a circus. When beings want to see the circus, they go to the circus.
When beings want to listen to music, they do not go and look for clowns in the circus.
But that is precisely what a Giraffe is made to do.
To be a clown for an audience looking for music.
A Giraffe is depressed but no one can understand why. Nobody understands the torment when there is no longer music in Giraffe's world.
A Giraffe wants to cry, but even the tears abandon a Giraffe when she most needs them.
And a Giraffe can only plod on and pretend to smile when she is being slowly killed inside.
Slowly slowly killed until one day when a Giraffe will be no more.
And yet on that day, who will miss a Giraffe?
No one.
No one at all.
Labels: clown, despair, disappointed, discouraged, fake, music, sad
Children Full of Life (1 of 5) Wednesday, September 02, 2009 |
It being Teachers' Day today, Giraffe hopes to always remember this.
Teaching is much more than just imparting knowledge. It's about inspiring students, letting them see the world and themselves, and helping them live a better life.
Giraffe is not a perfect teacher. Far from it. There's so many times Giraffe wishes she could do better. Yet Giraffe loves being a teacher. Her students teaches her so many things.
And every single day, Giraffe wishes she could be a better and better teacher for her students.
Toshiro Kanamori is an awesome teacher. Giraffe would love to have such a teacher as him, hence Giraffe wishes to learn from him, how to be such a teacher herself.
Well, happy Teachers' Day to all you teachers out there.
using her happys in her little pink box... Wednesday, August 26, 2009 |
Just a little while into storing her happys in her little pink box, she finds herself having to use them.
But she is glad of her happys because without these happys, she will not be able to be assertive.
And a Giraffe is glad she is learning to be assertive.
She doesn't want to stomp beings flat, but she wants to stand her grounds on her music. On beauty. On truth.
On what she really is.
And Giraffe is glad her happys in her little pink box are never ever going to run out.
But she is glad of her happys because without these happys, she will not be able to be assertive.
And a Giraffe is glad she is learning to be assertive.
She doesn't want to stomp beings flat, but she wants to stand her grounds on her music. On beauty. On truth.
On what she really is.
And Giraffe is glad her happys in her little pink box are never ever going to run out.
Labels: beauty, happys, Leaf, little pink box, truth
storing up her happys in giraffe's little pink box... |
A Giraffe never has a family like that.
She's not begrudging anything; after all, there are so many out there much worse off than a Giraffe and a Giraffe does have the ability to find love and grace all over her life.
But at times she does wish for a family like that.
She does wonder, why not her?
Yes, there is even a little bit of envy when she sees it in others.
But she has never ever imagined, that she, nothing but a little Giraffe plodding out the best she can in her little world, would be invited to share in this.
In this little family that she never ever has, in her wildest dreams (and a Giraffe's dreams are pretty wild) ever expected to be able to share in.
And they invited her in, with wide open arms.
Two perfect days.
Two beautiful wonderful perfect days.
These are the happys that are stored in Giraffe's little pink box.
Happys that are there to be used in times of Giraffe's sads.
Happys to be pushed in the face of fake pipa girls and beings who pretends to be higher and mightier than themselves.
Happys to be used when a Giraffe runs low on her reserve of energy and feels that she cannot carry on.
Happys to take out and see from time to time, refueling a Giraffe with turbo power.
Happys to be taken out and fed to a Giraffe's soul, reminding her that God is extremely gracious to her and there are wonderful beings in the world.
Thank you Leaf, (and Secretary) from the bottom of Giraffe's little heart.
She's not begrudging anything; after all, there are so many out there much worse off than a Giraffe and a Giraffe does have the ability to find love and grace all over her life.
But at times she does wish for a family like that.
She does wonder, why not her?
Yes, there is even a little bit of envy when she sees it in others.
But she has never ever imagined, that she, nothing but a little Giraffe plodding out the best she can in her little world, would be invited to share in this.
In this little family that she never ever has, in her wildest dreams (and a Giraffe's dreams are pretty wild) ever expected to be able to share in.
And they invited her in, with wide open arms.
Two perfect days.
Two beautiful wonderful perfect days.
These are the happys that are stored in Giraffe's little pink box.
Happys that are there to be used in times of Giraffe's sads.
Happys to be pushed in the face of fake pipa girls and beings who pretends to be higher and mightier than themselves.
Happys to be used when a Giraffe runs low on her reserve of energy and feels that she cannot carry on.
Happys to take out and see from time to time, refueling a Giraffe with turbo power.
Happys to be taken out and fed to a Giraffe's soul, reminding her that God is extremely gracious to her and there are wonderful beings in the world.
Thank you Leaf, (and Secretary) from the bottom of Giraffe's little heart.
Labels: beautiful, dreams, grace, gratitude, happys, Leaf, sun